The 5 Love Languages – Show Your Partner You Love Them This Valentine

As people, we are more receptive to love and affection when it’s expressed in a manner that correlates to our love language. 

But what is a love language? “Love language” is a term coined by a southern-baptist priest and marriage counselor, Gary Chapman, Ph.D., and the focus of his novel “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts“—published in 1992. His career provided a front-row seat to the relationship dynamics of numerous couples and their love. His book dissects the different ways that people receive love and how to cater to your partner’s love language. 

People like to receive love and affection in many different ways. However, couples need help to differentiate the way they show love from how their partner wants to receive it. 

Your emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as different as Chinese from English. No matter how hard you try to express love in English, if your spouse understands only Chinese, you will never understand how to love each other. (Chapman, 1922)

In his novel, he categorizes expressions of love into five distinct categories: quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, and gifts. We deconstructed each love language and added examples to help you communicate with your partner in their love language. 

1. Quality Time can be described as spending uninterrupted time with your significant other. This can be while performing a shared activity or doing something your partner may enjoy. It can also be spent together in the same room while you both perform different tasks. Quality time can also allow you to get to know your partner. By spending time together, you learn a little bit more about them every time. 

2. Physical Touch is as simple as it sounds–physical contact with your partner in any manner. This could be small exchanges like holding hands or a hug. Or something more intimate like cuddling or a love bite. Physical touch can be interpreted in a plethora of ways. It can also be paired with quality time because of the physical proximity both love languages entail. 

3. Words of Affirmation are a verbal way of expressing love to your special someone. If this is their love language, compliments, and verbal validation will allow them to feel your admiration. However, it is not limited to compliments. You can recite a poem or tell them how much you love and appreciate them.  With this love language, you can be creative and learn how to woo your partner.

4. Acts of Service are defined as anything you can do for your partner that you know they would like. You could be making their favorite meal or running them a bath the way they like it. This love language requires you to know your partner. But if you don’t, you can try to find actions that might lighten their workload or help to destress them at the end of a long day. 

5. Gifts is also a simple love language. Any kind of gift is acceptable. If your significant other feels most loved through material possessions, try getting them a bouquet or a box of chocolates. Gifting someone with this love language does not have to be extravagant. It could be something you see on your way to class that reminds you of them–like a new pair of shoes they mentioned wanting. Or maybe their favorite artists have a performance in your city, and you get them tickets. This love language is another way to learn more about your partner through their likes and hobbies. 

All in all, it is up to you to communicate with your partner to learn how they like to be loved. It’s a lot easier than guessing and can engage conversations that require a deeper level of vulnerability. Thus, helping you grow closer to your special someone.